we went to see the padres vs the cubs last night here in san diego. i was conflicted about who to root for as predicted. the friends we went with asked "what's with chicago's teams being bear-themed, are there bears in illinois?" and it's kind of bugging me that i don't know why. (no, there are no bears in illinois...that i know of)

i kind of want to challenge myself to make an artwork a day, preferably varying media as much as possible, but i feel like i would let myself down & eventually slack. sometimes i wish i could just not have email, so i could reclaim the hours i have to spend every day responding to it & do something creative FOR FUN (not for work) with my time instead. my sister is always suggesting that i allot 2 hours, say..2 days a week to respond, but that would never cover it all. i got 562 emails in the last week, over 18,000 in my inbox total. so much of my life feels wasted responding to emails saying things like 'please take me off your email list' and 'i'll get back to you on that'

i saw something on the news about how it's a new type of classifiable anxiety: fear of having too much email or something like that. email feels like someone is constantly tapping me on the shoulder asking me to please, please pay attention to them now right now please look now.

how is it even possible to be impressed by modern dancing when stuff like this exists? how was i ever impressed by chris brown's 2007 VMA performance when something like this is so clearly where the ideas came from? all the single ladies is the hokey pokey compared to these clips. what do the 2000's offer as their 'most talented'? doesn't it feel like we've gone backwards, that talent is just smoke and mirrors these days?

watching this makes me feel like the glass man from amelie, the berry brothers choreography is nuts, and i love it rematched to northern soul by marlena shaw. the second clip of the breakdancing is circa 1940. the third clip is just ok, but the song is good so stay tuned.

the berry brothers make this one look easy. if what happens at 1:30 doesn't make your jaw and stomach drop, you're not human:

watching all of this leaves me in awe, but also uncomfortable. if the people in these videos knew what would become of their inventions, the exploitation, re-interpretation and marketing thereof, would they still be smiling?
i don't know.

on one hand, i love youtube for allowing us to discover these lost treasures. on the other hand, seeing that third clip - the one of the berry brothers with the crazy jump, does ~20,000 views seem fair compared to record sales / viewership / sponsorship / paychecks in the millions? can't help but feel like the originals got the raw end of the deal in every way. i never even knew the name 'the berry brothers' until today.

1. i broke my shoulder a few days ago. i was skiing, it was unremarkable, and now i am in a lot of pain and have pretty much no use of my drawing arm

2. before i broke my arm i updated the shop with new notecards, magnets and paintings/artwork - and now that i've broken it, it's all i have to pay the bills until i heal, which is frustrating. i am not used to having so many eggs in one basket. what a weird phrase. cause who's walking around carrying eggs in a basket besides the easter bunny?

3. i had a realization that i've become sorta steve keene-ish -- not in style, and clearly not in popularity- i feel so unknown! but like, in art for the people-ness, i guess, and doing what i do because it's fun and offbeat. especially the minis.

CK: Do you feel that because you sell your paintings for so little, that you haven’t been taken as seriously by the art world as you would have been had you made some giant paintings that cost thousands of dollars?

SK: Um, I don’t know what to say about that.

am i fixed yet?
are things better yet?

i spent the entire day in bed, wearing pajamas, wondering why my life is like this right now.

so the answer is, no, things are not fixed/better/different yet.

mostly i feel the same as always, i guess -- in love, happy to see my friends, my family, grateful for what i have -- but i guess i just feel my creativity is at a standstill sometimes, or that i've taken it hostage. like by carving out my own life as an artist -- making handmade everything, doing tiny art shows with heartfelt galleries that burn out & disappear, working on a website till my fingers feel numb, and along the way having fun -- i've chosen to be taken less seriously as an artist. which is something i never expected as a repercussion of my life or work, and now at 28 i'm having a hard time feeling out of place everywhere, and part of no community anymore, in a town of millions where i know not a single other artist.

i joined twitter recently and have found that for almost every morning since i've joined, i have wanted to twitter "it's morning, mom, isn't it?" as the first thing i think every single day, dejected. i only recently found out that the cibo matto song i got that from is actually saying "it's moldy, mom, isn't it?"

nothing else to report except maurice died this week, in his sleep, no sickness or anything. it's a better way to die i guess but harder for me to understand. i miss him.

what has happened to my darling, eloquent tim gunn?? "you guys are a bunch of slackers" + "holla atcha boy" = two of his quotables from the premiere tonight.

also, this season looks like it's going to be horrrrribbblllleeee.

eee

i had that bob marley hold experience again today and it reminded me that it's been forever since i last wrote in here. what have i been up to?

well, first of all, i can't believe it's may already.

it's my birthday month and i am getting old! i have lofty dreams of making a total getaway to catalina island for the weekend of my birthday. actually making a getaway to anywhere would be nice. i've been craving a vacation/break for months now, it's so hard to take one when there are so many deadlines and i keep getting one important project after another, things i can't say no to! i'm honored to have so many cool projects on my plate, and so many of such importance to me, but i am burned out. with a capital B.

plus i've been volunteering one day a week which maybe doesn't sound like a lot but, man oh man... it sometimes takes a day or two just to recover from the exhaustion of running around, worrying about animals and multitasking in ridiculous ways, not to mention seeing animals put down all day. it seriously troubles me that i can't call out of volunteering when i have a project deadline too, i just end up burning the candle at both ends and resenting my volunteer job a little (ok, a lot) because they don't have enough volunteers as it is. they have a sign up that says "volunteers, take a day off! take a week off! take a month off if you need to!" (or something like that) but it is a LIE!!! the last time i asked to have a day off, they didn't respond.

wow, this post quickly spiraled into sadness! let me cheer this post up with something i think is ridiculous:

somebody said this art print of my painting from the shop looks like the brown cat is about to thwack the two (unsuspecting) cats on the right with an oar, and i think she's totally right and now it's the only way i can see this painting:

i've decided that the ultimate form of cruel, unusual and subtle punishment is putting someone on hold with bob marley playing as the hold music. it's happened to me a few times - one time was so brutal that i actually wrote a letter of complaint (an hour and a half waiting while listening to the same reggae rift!!!!)

yup.
i'm 11 minutes into listening to bob marley on hold with my hosting company as i'm expecting a daily candy mention tomorrow! wanna make sure my site doesn't die like last time.

the internets feels lonely today. no emails, no flickr activity, no orders.

why do people do shit like this?!
http://www.threadless.com/submission/104110/Little_Owl

p.s. just to clarify, this t-shirt is obviously NOT by me. please do not support the rip offs.

poll:

over the years, i have archived my artwork on external firewire harddrives for safekeeping. i hardly ever use it cept to back things up. well, the fucker broke. i took it to a data recovery place expecting to recover the only scans i have of many of my paintings now that they're all gone, and found out today - after over a month with no response from my phone calls to them that the recovery was unsuccessful and it would cost a minimum of $1500 to even attempt repair beyond their 'diagnostic test'. that's more than my computer costs. hell, that's more than my car costs. and it could go up a LOT from there. but do i do it, just to have what's left of my art?

yes? no?

i'm inclined to say no, since i can't afford it (though i have credit cards and lately have been saving up for something i've always wanted to do - a trip to alaska)
i feel heartbroken about losing some of my old works like the owl in the tree painting, for instance - one of my favorite pieces, sold a long time ago to someone in portland, and is the scan i don't have anymore that i keep thinking of through all this.

p.s. new at the shop:

die cut! matte! printed on french paper!