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walking around as a ghost

something i think a lot about, i guess, is how indifferent people are toward each other unless they have something to offer each other (money, fame, entertainment,…?)

sometimes i feel like i am walking around as a ghost, spectator, seeing this – seeing that it doesn't matter how hard you work or how honest you are or how kind you are, if you don't have those "things" people lust after – and feeling so, so sad that this is how our society values its people. this is how people decide where to put their focus.

& that i never noticed this is the way the world works before.

how idealistic and silly of me.



( 9 comments — Leave a comment )
Apr. 4th, 2015 12:35 pm (UTC)
I relate so much to this. Now I suppose I am more a failed idealist, with so much resentment. (which isn't good)
Apr. 19th, 2015 06:09 pm (UTC)
well phrased, fellow failed idealist.
Apr. 5th, 2015 04:32 am (UTC)
for sure. argh...and, i avoid people unless i have sth to offer. it's become a terrible habit.
Apr. 19th, 2015 06:10 pm (UTC)
it goes both ways, in your experience? you hold back unless you have something tangible to offer?
Apr. 19th, 2015 09:45 pm (UTC)
yeah. i think it is my aftermath hangups of growing up poor and my lazy ways of dealing with boredom. i did hang out with some women at a tea place last weekend, but that is because i had money for a tea and wasn't stressed about money.

i don't want to feel like a burden(in any way, at all), basically. and, if someone if offering me something, even time... it is weird for me. i am slowly trying to not do this... but it's nearly innate.
robyn wells
Apr. 6th, 2015 03:34 am (UTC)
This reminds me when a good friend of mine said one time (so matter of factly) that there was no such thing as doing things out of the kindness of one's heart, and that everyone does everything they do for purely selfish reasons. It blew my mind and I absolutely argued with her on it, but it opened some pandora's box in my mind. As she said "even things that may seem selfless are done to make one's self feel better". For example, giving time/energy/money/resources makes one feel better about oneself, you may feel good from seeing others happy or maybe you hope to get some credit or be noticed, or maybe you feel superior now because you are above others, etc.
And now that I'm thinking of this, I'm reminded of The Benjamin Franklin Effect that I just found out about recently. It would seem to make sense that if you wanted to endear yourself to someone that you would do nice things for them, but according to this concept, the opposite is actually true. If you want someone to like you, ask them to do something for you and if they do it, they will like you more and be more inclined to do other things for you. Crazy, huh?
Apr. 19th, 2015 06:10 pm (UTC)
i've been thinking about this since you posted it and i've decided i'm going to go live in a cave far away from people
Apr. 8th, 2015 07:27 am (UTC)
(Deleted comment)
Apr. 19th, 2015 06:12 pm (UTC)
"this experience essentially deconstructed my perception of what it's like to be a person." - such a terrible and sad effect that i'm experiencing, too. i don't think i rely on the reinforcement from other people, though. i think i just felt more optimistic about what we're all doing on earth, that it wasn't a competition, that we're all just following our hearts and doing our best, but that just isn't true.

would love to hear your thoughts on how yore approaching this part: "figuring out how to start building my feeling like a person back up again"

ps: xo, you're always so thoughtful
( 9 comments — Leave a comment )

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Hey, I'm Susie. I'm a painter, illustrator, crafter, musician, keeper of various pets and proprietor of the website boygirlparty.com

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