the lady miss susie (boygirlparty) wrote,
the lady miss susie

need a place to go

the problem with journaling for me is that when it's 100% private and for my eyes only, like with my sketchbook, I'm -- as with literally everything else in my life -- way less likely to do it if it only benefits me. sharing in a journal that's public or social media or whatever seems so much more motivating because maybe I can help someone else who has felt that way. and of course, someone else who has felt that way can maybe help me get outside of my thinking on it.

the problem is audience, maybe. it's no longer really curated, so it's kind of whoever happens to have my email address can connect back to me in one form or the other. so nothing is private.

so how can we share something with some people but not everyone, and with people who respond the way we need them to even if we didn't know we needed them to, rather than people we've forced into the arrangement by tagging them or whatever or by continuing to update a blog in a ghost town such as this?

I guess for most of my life I've felt I had these semi private journal outlets and I'm not sure I do now.

I do have a therapist, so there's that, but sometimes it's difficult to convey or feel it can be a conversation re issues I sense she doesn't know how to respond to, like legal issues which are so, so stressful and a direct path to feeling like what is the point of anything. or seeing someone get everything they want when you know them to be a social climbing networking narcissistic parasite who happens to be in literally all of your social circles, thus for sure name dropping you, using you too, making it awkward as hell and impossible for fucking ever.

just an example.

I have some more personal ones I'd like to write about but again, it's that matter of audience and anyone being able to find their way back to this. sometimes I feel like sadness has nowhere to go but inward, because of our inter connectivity, there's no changing the channel, there is just the one channel.

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